I wonder what it feels like to be happy with going to high school, going to college, getting a good job at a firm, or a hospital, or an insurance company, marrying someone just like you, having two kids and a dog, living in the suburbs, working for 30 years and then succumbing to some illness at the fresh age of 63.
I wonder what it feels like to live for nothing.
July 12, 2010
June 21, 2010
Woodstock in Woodstock
(this is for me personally - I need this written down before the memories fade)
This past weekend has gone by, leaving behind a trail of massive memories I can't even hold on to for long. A lot of awesome, awesome shit went down. I loved it so much, not only for the fact of being free for at least one day, but for spending my time with some awesome people.
On Friday, Olivia and her mother Kimber came all the way from Oklahoma. Olivia, a seemingly small and shy girl hoards a large secret that I and a few other 'Other Section' people know. She's a super angry, amazing chick with an opinion that burns like fire and a look on life that very few have. We've been friends for so long. 2007 at least. And although that doesn't seem like a very long time for some, that was a massive chunk of my life - I'm only fifteen and three, almost four years, counts for alot. I grew up with this chick. There are others that I met the same way (which I will sparingly mention considering I won't ever have to worry about forgetting that), many others, and out of all of them I thought I would never meet her. Svetlana, sure, Cinny, it almost happened, Corky, why not? Xue - that was unexpected. However, when she did come, I didn't feel the singe of her words - I just felt awesome friendship for two days.
Anyways, the visit was swell. We exchanged gifts, and her mother talked and talked and talked. Her mom, she's a pretty cool chick, driving fourteen hours for a festival and to give her daughter a chance to meet me. So yeah. Friday was smooth.
On Saturday, I got dressed and Phil came to take me to the festival. It was 11:30 and we had promised to be at the festival by 2:00. I thought it was going to be super awkward with Phil, considering we don't talk very much. And when we do, it's usually in the company of quite a few more people. But here we were, just him and I in a car. And I look to Phil as a brother, don't get me wrong, but the conversation had never flowed easily between the two of us.
So anyway, we left and started the long journey up to this small town North of Atlanta. On the way it was suprisingly comfortable. Phil talked about a 'new government' he wanted to set up, the plans he had in life, we talked about our past and our future and the people we surround ourselves by. When he's not with people he's trying to impress (i.e. myself) he's a really, really cool guy. To all who may be fooled by how he acts in public, fear not, he is great. Although I'd never tell him that.
We stopped at a shoe shop in Little Five Points. Phil had wanted to buy some Toms shoes, but after trying them on he realized they were 'too lesbian' for him, which I thought was pretty true. He's this big, bulky guy and chick shoes just weren't working for him. By then it was 2:00 and we still weren't at the festival. But, no worry, I shot Xue's mom a text telling her we were going to be late. Long story short, we got lost, got found, and finally got to the place.
Once we were there we found Xue and her mom and she gave me the (very brief) tour of the festival grounds. I enjoyed the diverse people that were there, and it was pretty cool to see the true hippies. And then the awkwardness set in. Said awkwardness (not only with Xue and I, but with the people in our 'party' in general) lasted for quite awhile. However, it wound down when Sara Lynn arrived with dinner and blankets. My friend Savannah, whom I'd never met in real life, also came along with her boyfriend and younger brother. It was nice seeing her, not as exciting as seeing Olivia, but nice none-the-less. Anyways, Phil talked talked to Sara, Kimber took in the crowd, and Xue and I took off to the woods. She wanted a cigarette, and we both wanted some privacy. So we stayed in there for awhile. We talked, met some nice people, got asked if we had any weed for sale, and were generally enjoying ourselves. By then we had lost complete track of time and it had gotten dark. We heard our names paged from the stage and Xue said, "Oh shit, time to go." so we ran out there where her very, very pissed mother was waiting. Apparently we had been gone too long, and her mom had freaked out. Haha. In the time we had been gone Sara had left, Phil had gone to the parking lot to see if we had gone back to the car, and Xue's mother had asked the police officer at the event to look for us.
All the while we were just minding our business in the woods. Oops, oh well.
By then it was 10:30 and Xue and her mother were fixing to leave. Her and I said our reluctant goodbyes, and they were gone. I asked Olivia what it would be like after she went home, and she said she didn't know. I still don't know, either.
After we left Phil and I went to Little Five Points again. We bought some Cokes and found a nestled patio. We sat there for awhile, people-watching. By then it was at least midnight. We got in the car after some time and headed home.
I got home at nearly 3 AM, and let's just say I won't ever forget this weekend. I enjoyed the hippies, the music, the atmosphere, the ride there and back, the stops at Little Five Points, Phil's company, seeing Olivia, meeting some great people, seeing Savannah, and tasting freedom.
Ever.
This past weekend has gone by, leaving behind a trail of massive memories I can't even hold on to for long. A lot of awesome, awesome shit went down. I loved it so much, not only for the fact of being free for at least one day, but for spending my time with some awesome people.
On Friday, Olivia and her mother Kimber came all the way from Oklahoma. Olivia, a seemingly small and shy girl hoards a large secret that I and a few other 'Other Section' people know. She's a super angry, amazing chick with an opinion that burns like fire and a look on life that very few have. We've been friends for so long. 2007 at least. And although that doesn't seem like a very long time for some, that was a massive chunk of my life - I'm only fifteen and three, almost four years, counts for alot. I grew up with this chick. There are others that I met the same way (which I will sparingly mention considering I won't ever have to worry about forgetting that), many others, and out of all of them I thought I would never meet her. Svetlana, sure, Cinny, it almost happened, Corky, why not? Xue - that was unexpected. However, when she did come, I didn't feel the singe of her words - I just felt awesome friendship for two days.
Anyways, the visit was swell. We exchanged gifts, and her mother talked and talked and talked. Her mom, she's a pretty cool chick, driving fourteen hours for a festival and to give her daughter a chance to meet me. So yeah. Friday was smooth.
On Saturday, I got dressed and Phil came to take me to the festival. It was 11:30 and we had promised to be at the festival by 2:00. I thought it was going to be super awkward with Phil, considering we don't talk very much. And when we do, it's usually in the company of quite a few more people. But here we were, just him and I in a car. And I look to Phil as a brother, don't get me wrong, but the conversation had never flowed easily between the two of us.
So anyway, we left and started the long journey up to this small town North of Atlanta. On the way it was suprisingly comfortable. Phil talked about a 'new government' he wanted to set up, the plans he had in life, we talked about our past and our future and the people we surround ourselves by. When he's not with people he's trying to impress (i.e. myself) he's a really, really cool guy. To all who may be fooled by how he acts in public, fear not, he is great. Although I'd never tell him that.
We stopped at a shoe shop in Little Five Points. Phil had wanted to buy some Toms shoes, but after trying them on he realized they were 'too lesbian' for him, which I thought was pretty true. He's this big, bulky guy and chick shoes just weren't working for him. By then it was 2:00 and we still weren't at the festival. But, no worry, I shot Xue's mom a text telling her we were going to be late. Long story short, we got lost, got found, and finally got to the place.
Once we were there we found Xue and her mom and she gave me the (very brief) tour of the festival grounds. I enjoyed the diverse people that were there, and it was pretty cool to see the true hippies. And then the awkwardness set in. Said awkwardness (not only with Xue and I, but with the people in our 'party' in general) lasted for quite awhile. However, it wound down when Sara Lynn arrived with dinner and blankets. My friend Savannah, whom I'd never met in real life, also came along with her boyfriend and younger brother. It was nice seeing her, not as exciting as seeing Olivia, but nice none-the-less. Anyways, Phil talked talked to Sara, Kimber took in the crowd, and Xue and I took off to the woods. She wanted a cigarette, and we both wanted some privacy. So we stayed in there for awhile. We talked, met some nice people, got asked if we had any weed for sale, and were generally enjoying ourselves. By then we had lost complete track of time and it had gotten dark. We heard our names paged from the stage and Xue said, "Oh shit, time to go." so we ran out there where her very, very pissed mother was waiting. Apparently we had been gone too long, and her mom had freaked out. Haha. In the time we had been gone Sara had left, Phil had gone to the parking lot to see if we had gone back to the car, and Xue's mother had asked the police officer at the event to look for us.
All the while we were just minding our business in the woods. Oops, oh well.
By then it was 10:30 and Xue and her mother were fixing to leave. Her and I said our reluctant goodbyes, and they were gone. I asked Olivia what it would be like after she went home, and she said she didn't know. I still don't know, either.
After we left Phil and I went to Little Five Points again. We bought some Cokes and found a nestled patio. We sat there for awhile, people-watching. By then it was at least midnight. We got in the car after some time and headed home.
I got home at nearly 3 AM, and let's just say I won't ever forget this weekend. I enjoyed the hippies, the music, the atmosphere, the ride there and back, the stops at Little Five Points, Phil's company, seeing Olivia, meeting some great people, seeing Savannah, and tasting freedom.
Ever.
Personal Thoughts
I haven't posted in awhile. A long, long while. I suppose I never thought there was anything important enough to document, or maybe I just didn't want to go through the process of racking my brain for the right words to describe that situation or event. I've never been bad at it - I just didn't want to. I don't know. Alot has happened, actually. A hell of alot. Most of which, I can't even remember. Which I want to kick myself in the ass for that, because I'm a freak who wants to document everything, but I can't document my own life?
Tia has been bugging me (as well as a few other real life bloggers) to give out my address to them. Maybe I find this as my last point of release. I just don't have any drama that gets to me anymore, but when it does, I like to get it out and then keep it to myself. Writing has helped me do that, it's always helped me. There's a way of tricking yourself into thinking people are listening by writing things down, and the best part is that no one will give you shit over what you said, if you just keep it to yourself. I'll give her my address one of these days - maybe sooner than I think, but until then, this'll be my spot; my space of the internet where anything can be said. Freedom.
Tia has been bugging me (as well as a few other real life bloggers) to give out my address to them. Maybe I find this as my last point of release. I just don't have any drama that gets to me anymore, but when it does, I like to get it out and then keep it to myself. Writing has helped me do that, it's always helped me. There's a way of tricking yourself into thinking people are listening by writing things down, and the best part is that no one will give you shit over what you said, if you just keep it to yourself. I'll give her my address one of these days - maybe sooner than I think, but until then, this'll be my spot; my space of the internet where anything can be said. Freedom.
February 22, 2010
It's been awhile.
In fact, I shouldn't even be blogging. I've procrastinated on studying, and because I didn't go to school today, I have three tests and a quiz tomorrow.
Three.
Fuck.
Anyway. This weekend was both ridiculously fun, and absolutely heartbreaking.
On Friday, I didn't do much more than go to church.
On Saturday, I woke up at 5:45 AM and got ready to go to the school. I had my Science Olympiad competition, and that went rather well, I suppose. I placed fourth in Anatomy, ahead of Russel and Stuart, which was shocking. I tried so hard to place ahead of Tripp and Joshua in Solar System, and I thought I had it in the bag until I saw the test. The majority of the test was calcuating an example diameter of the planets in millemeters compared to its actual size in kilometers.
One, I suck at Math.
Two, my partner sucked equally at Math.
Three, Tripp and Joshua both get A's in Math,
Four, I was generally screwed.
In Anatomy, Ben and I were at station six, answering a question on the upper arm muscles, when Ben lets out a fart. Imagine, a quiet room, all of us bent over our tables trying to answer our questions in the two minute time limit, when out of the silence comes this deafening squeak. It was hilarious, and Russel and Stuart were laughing so hard they could't breathe. All of the little over achieving kids who looked like five year olds compared to me and my classmates turned and looked at Ben and I with a look of complete disgust, which, led us to laugh even more. Also, the majority of the kids competing were Indians, Asians, and homeschoolers. Sometimes stereotypes are humerously acurate.
Anyway, after another round of testing in Meteorology (which was equally hilarious- my teammate was both an adorable and hilarious 7th grader) we took our break before the Awards ceremony to go to the mall for lunch at the food court. Lindsey and I had decided previously to save our cash and spend it on band shirts at Hot Topic.
When we got to the store, I found two matching Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here shirts for seven dollars (!!). So, Lindsey and I left Hot Topic triumphantly with our matching shirts swinging happily in their bags. We went to F.Y.E. music next, and Lindsey found a super-sized Sweeney Todd movie poster for five dollars,
In fact, I shouldn't even be blogging. I've procrastinated on studying, and because I didn't go to school today, I have three tests and a quiz tomorrow.
Three.
Fuck.
Anyway. This weekend was both ridiculously fun, and absolutely heartbreaking.
On Friday, I didn't do much more than go to church.
On Saturday, I woke up at 5:45 AM and got ready to go to the school. I had my Science Olympiad competition, and that went rather well, I suppose. I placed fourth in Anatomy, ahead of Russel and Stuart, which was shocking. I tried so hard to place ahead of Tripp and Joshua in Solar System, and I thought I had it in the bag until I saw the test. The majority of the test was calcuating an example diameter of the planets in millemeters compared to its actual size in kilometers.
One, I suck at Math.
Two, my partner sucked equally at Math.
Three, Tripp and Joshua both get A's in Math,
Four, I was generally screwed.
In Anatomy, Ben and I were at station six, answering a question on the upper arm muscles, when Ben lets out a fart. Imagine, a quiet room, all of us bent over our tables trying to answer our questions in the two minute time limit, when out of the silence comes this deafening squeak. It was hilarious, and Russel and Stuart were laughing so hard they could't breathe. All of the little over achieving kids who looked like five year olds compared to me and my classmates turned and looked at Ben and I with a look of complete disgust, which, led us to laugh even more. Also, the majority of the kids competing were Indians, Asians, and homeschoolers. Sometimes stereotypes are humerously acurate.
Anyway, after another round of testing in Meteorology (which was equally hilarious- my teammate was both an adorable and hilarious 7th grader) we took our break before the Awards ceremony to go to the mall for lunch at the food court. Lindsey and I had decided previously to save our cash and spend it on band shirts at Hot Topic.
When we got to the store, I found two matching Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here shirts for seven dollars (!!). So, Lindsey and I left Hot Topic triumphantly with our matching shirts swinging happily in their bags. We went to F.Y.E. music next, and Lindsey found a super-sized Sweeney Todd movie poster for five dollars,
And I picked up two posters. A Led Zeppelin one:
And a Foo Fighters one.
After we drove ourselves broke with merch, Lindsey and I ran back to the parking lot where everyone was reboarding the bus. We went to attend the Awards ceremony where I received my aforementioned Anatomy award.
We piled back into the bus after that, and started the forty-five minute drive back to the school. Once there, I packed my overnight things into Lindsey's Camaro and we drove to her house. We dropped my things off and her mom drove us out into the boons to attend a friend's party we had been invited to. The party itself was alright. It was awkward for the first bit, but towards the end I warmed up the kids and it was pretty fun.
When Lindsey's dad had picked us up and took us back to her house, I was already exhausted. However, I somehow managed to stay up until midnight, where I finally crashed after running for fifteen hours off of what... two hours of sleep? The next morning I woke up at nine, watched the Hangover with Lindsey, and packed up my things. Her and her mom took me home while her dad stayed home.
Everything was going great until I got the text from Julie. "Please pray for Lindsey's dad." I was like, what the heck is going on, I just saw him a few hours ago? So, I text Lindsey and ask her what's up. Her only response was, "He's gone."
While they were dropping me off, her dad had a heart attack.
I was in shock. He was just alive! Everything had been normal! And just like that, he was gone. My heart went out to Lindsey, she's one of my closest friends, and now she just lost her dad? What? I told my mom, and all I could do was cry in her arms. I wanted to make it all better for Lindsey, and I didn't know how to do that. I just didn't know what to do for her.
I saw her today. My mom and I stopped at Walmart and picked her up some chocolates, and took it to her. She seemed perfectly happy surrounded by friends and family, but grief shows itself in strange ways. She could be crying right now.
I know her recovering from this is going to be a long journey, and all I want to do is help her through it. Make it as easy for her as I possibly can. She deserves it.
January 31, 2010
An Etc. Post
I really, really need to get better at this. This whole 'blogging' thing is not a habitual thing, I've come to find out. Ah well.
Today was fine.
That's it, it was just fine. Nothing exciting nor anything bad happened. In fact, if a word could be put to describe this day, I would call it bland. I think the highlight was getting new batteries for my camera... which means oodles of pictures coming as soon as I get a day without too much homework.
Yayy!
I really want to document my whole antique book collection in one spot, so I think I'll make small posts of that with pictures every here and there. If not for you, then for me.
In fact, I've been thinking about selling some of them. When I started collecting them, it was a special thing... some of my first books added to the collection have a special story behind them. Like, this one I bought at an antique store, and the elderly owner told me his aunt had given it to him when he was around my age. And, I'm not discrediting the kindess people have shown me by giving me old books... but getting handed something is so less exciting as digging through the dusted shelves to find your prize.
Yes, I really think it's time to downsize. Get rid of the old and make room for the new!
P.S. We're in the process of putting bunks into the RV. Good thing: I don't have to sleep where the table is supposed to be! Bad thing: I have to sleep on the bottom bunk, and the top has the window.
Ah, well. I'm off to hunt down my missing Sobe green tea, and make an attempt to start my homework. I'm really dreading this week....
Today was fine.
That's it, it was just fine. Nothing exciting nor anything bad happened. In fact, if a word could be put to describe this day, I would call it bland. I think the highlight was getting new batteries for my camera... which means oodles of pictures coming as soon as I get a day without too much homework.
Yayy!
I really want to document my whole antique book collection in one spot, so I think I'll make small posts of that with pictures every here and there. If not for you, then for me.
In fact, I've been thinking about selling some of them. When I started collecting them, it was a special thing... some of my first books added to the collection have a special story behind them. Like, this one I bought at an antique store, and the elderly owner told me his aunt had given it to him when he was around my age. And, I'm not discrediting the kindess people have shown me by giving me old books... but getting handed something is so less exciting as digging through the dusted shelves to find your prize.
Yes, I really think it's time to downsize. Get rid of the old and make room for the new!
P.S. We're in the process of putting bunks into the RV. Good thing: I don't have to sleep where the table is supposed to be! Bad thing: I have to sleep on the bottom bunk, and the top has the window.
Ah, well. I'm off to hunt down my missing Sobe green tea, and make an attempt to start my homework. I'm really dreading this week....
January 19, 2010
Oops. I haven't written a new blog in.... eleven days. My bad. It's not like I have 547 followers, though. My humble three make my heart pat, even so. Thank you for reading, kids! When I'm rich and famous (or, with my luck, poor and anonymous) I will remember you first three.
Anywho, today was a total bore. Yet, in its mundane schedule, it was also pretty fun. It was just school, babysitting, and homework, but I somehow enjoyed it. I also received a set of "Peace, Love, Hard Rock" pins from my awesome friend Olivia. Oh, how I wish I could get her something in return! She is always getting me neat stuff. Hmm... I'll have to think of something really special. Yes, well, I digress.... she gave me the pins, so I put them on my messenger bag along with my new (or, er- old - it's vintage) Fleetwood Mac iron-on. I'm so happy I have finally found a bag that is just perfect for me. I'll probably sew some gingham onto the strap one of these days....
Well, I've got to run off to bed. Run off, meaning get on the roof, and bed meaning look at the stars. Haha! Goodbye, fellow bloggers, and enjoy the song! I love Talking Heads!
January 9, 2010
-noms on shoes-
Oh my goodness. If today wasn't eventful, then I don't know what is. My mother, father, sister and I decided to head up to Atlanta. Mom had to pick some things up from Ikea, and my sister needed some tights from Target. Somehow, though, I talked my family into visiting Little Five Points - a delicious part of Atlanta with a plethora of vintage shops, bookstores, fortune tellers, and taverns. I had so much fun, and visited some awesome stores. In this one called the 'Psycho Sisters' (how cool is that?) I picked up two vintage dresses. One, being a peasant style, and a dark purple with a floral pattern. I absolutely adore it. The funny (and sad) thing, though, is that my mom owned a dress almost identical to it when she was my age, but it was blue. She decided to shred it for whatever reason when I was just a baby, and today she remembered about it and kicked herself in the butt for not saving it for me.
The other dress is a sleevless corduroy and calico dress. It's nothing fancy, and obviously homemade. But, the colors are great, it fits well, and best of all, it will match my new....
Knee-high MOCCASINS!
I have been drooling over these $75 Minnetonka moccasins for so long, and when my dad lost the eBay bid on a used pair a few days ago, I was heartbroken. So, when I walked past a shoe shop in Little Five Points, I practically fainted on the sidewalk to see the exact pair my dad had lost the bid on, happily smiling at me from behind the glass. I ran in, tried them on, and walked out of the store with the last chunk of my Christmas present. I am so in love with them. Also, another weird thing is the fact that my mom also owned the exact same pair of shoes when she was my age, as well. Haha! Some things really are inherited, yeah?
Anywho, after leaving Little Five Points with my nommy finds (oh how I wish we could have stayed longer than we did!), we headed off to The Container Store, Ikea, and Target. For dinner we had Joe's Crab Shack, and it was delicious, of course. But, however much my parents object, Joe's Crab Shack is nothing compared to the Fishing Peddlar in town. That place is so eclectic and delicious and nothing you would expect in the kind of town I live in (ick!).
So, all in all, I would call this a wonderfully profitiable, chilly, and fun day. Night!
The other dress is a sleevless corduroy and calico dress. It's nothing fancy, and obviously homemade. But, the colors are great, it fits well, and best of all, it will match my new....
Knee-high MOCCASINS!
I have been drooling over these $75 Minnetonka moccasins for so long, and when my dad lost the eBay bid on a used pair a few days ago, I was heartbroken. So, when I walked past a shoe shop in Little Five Points, I practically fainted on the sidewalk to see the exact pair my dad had lost the bid on, happily smiling at me from behind the glass. I ran in, tried them on, and walked out of the store with the last chunk of my Christmas present. I am so in love with them. Also, another weird thing is the fact that my mom also owned the exact same pair of shoes when she was my age, as well. Haha! Some things really are inherited, yeah?
Anywho, after leaving Little Five Points with my nommy finds (oh how I wish we could have stayed longer than we did!), we headed off to The Container Store, Ikea, and Target. For dinner we had Joe's Crab Shack, and it was delicious, of course. But, however much my parents object, Joe's Crab Shack is nothing compared to the Fishing Peddlar in town. That place is so eclectic and delicious and nothing you would expect in the kind of town I live in (ick!).
So, all in all, I would call this a wonderfully profitiable, chilly, and fun day. Night!
January 4, 2010
All in a Days Work
Today I.... Did absolutely nothing. I slept way past noon, had chocolate milk and toast for lunch, read blogs and watched movies. I am so dreading school tomorrow. -sigh-
Well, I watched this:
(Old VCR movies are so delicious.)
Listened to her:
(Listen to Bat For Lashes - now!)
And read this:
(Thank you, Emily)
It's been an all-together productively unproductive day, if I do say so myself. Now.... to survive school for another eighteen weeks. Lord, help me.
January 1, 2010
2010
(We had a blue moon last night. Next one isn't until 2028!!) It's a new year. A new decade, actually. The first ten years of the new millenia have come and gone leaving a wake of puke-worthy stereotypes, monumental political leaders (first non-white President, anyone?) and major advances in science, amongst many other things. Quite frankly, this fresh start has gotten me thinking. I've wanted to become a better person for quite awhile, and isn't 2010 a great time to start? I'd love to eat better, use my time better, become more involved (and if I have to say it... well-rounded), and most importantly - stop giving a damn about what people think. Going to the type of school that I do (try to imagine a Southern, sport-aimed prep school, if you will), the fact that I've gotten this far without running to many a name store with my tail between my legs is a miracle. And, in that miracle, I would love to go even more crazy. All of this includes buying prairie dresses, attending a local wood-carving club, and spending as many hours as I can outside or in the library.
Looking back on 2009, I've realized I grew up alot. It was a major year for me. New school, new way of thinking, fresh starts, expanded family, life-changing trips, first kisses and dates.... it's been pretty huge. All of this is forcing me to make 2010 that much better.
Looking back on 2009, I've realized I grew up alot. It was a major year for me. New school, new way of thinking, fresh starts, expanded family, life-changing trips, first kisses and dates.... it's been pretty huge. All of this is forcing me to make 2010 that much better.
Aren't unedited photos taken at 1 AM absolutely breathtaking? ;D Ah, well.... look at the hair. Not the face.
This year I want to:
- Pass Algebra
- Actually save for our Arizona trip and flight school
- Get my permit
- Make some cash
- Volunteer
- Make an attempt to take a break from meat
- Read the Bible more
- Did I mention passing Algebra?
All of that being said.... Happy New Year!
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